QUICK NOTES

a quick note-- my computer is coming home from its vacation in Kentucky this week!

i am hoping to be able to update my blog more often starting next week.

please hang in there and check back. i promise my witty, clever, intelligent stories will continue to come as soon as i have a reliable writing source.

p.s. thank you for all the nice comments, suggestions, and thoughts i've been able to get from so many people!! not going to lie... feels kinda good. :)

p.s.s. i wanted to send out an early Congratulations!! to the future Mr. and Miss. Johnson who will be getting married this weekend! I am thrilled to see you tie the knot Matt and Annie. I wish you nothing but eternal happiness! Muah!

there goes another one

on saturday i was out walking with a friend.

we passed by a gentleman sitting on a bench.

"hey girls... hey girls..."

we paused a bit.

"you look like angels and my name is Charlie. Wanna be Charlie's angels?"

; )

should have listened

if you know me well you know i can be a bit stubborn.

sometimes i do things just because they are different from the norm (poodle can probably relate to that). this was especially true when i was younger. when i was in 4th grade i wore mismatched socks for over a year so that i could be different from my peers. mind you, this wasn't just mismatching my socks under my jeans either--oh no-- this was the early 90s. these were the days of sturup pants and scrunch socks over the sturup pants so that the world could see my protest of social norms.

this continued through out my childhood and still does into my young adulthood. but now i am finding that some of the choices that i made in clear defiance of my parents, peers, and the world in the pare are now coming back to bit me in the ass.

case in point-- French vs. Spanish.

it is well known that in the United States Spanish is one of the most rapidly growing languages spoken in communities. as in many fields, it is becoming increasingly more valuable in the social service job market to be able to speak fluent Spanish. especially in large cities (i.e. NYC) where there are whole neighborhoods where no one speaks English (i.e. the neighborhood i live in here in Brooklyn). at my VISTA site in the Bronx i have assisted with 2 different health fairs in the last couple weeks. at those health fairs i would estimate that 70% of the communities members i have had come to my resource table spoke almost exclusively Spanish.

bummer i don't speak Spanish.
why don't i speak Spanish? my school system started offering classes in the language beginning in 6th grade through my graduation, and i was required to take at least 3 years of a foreign language. again i ask, so why don't i speak Spanish?

i had to be different. i had to do something that all the other kids weren't doing and of course i had to do the exact opposite of what my parents wanted me to do. i wanted to take French. i can still remember the argument i had with my parents when it came time to pick a foreign language. i clearly remember my mom telling me that French would not be beneficial when i was older and Spanish would help me in the long run. my dad urged me to reconsider and think about job opportunities.

no thank you to their advice. i wanted French.

so here i sit: unable to speak with half the people in my site community, barley able to mumble any French (laura can vouche for that), and thinking to myself i should have listened.

editor's note: our brave heroine is currently looking into cheap, entry level Spanish speaking classes in the city. wish her luck!

beware of the bite

i really love dogs.

i always grew up with dogs and i am truly looking forward to the day when i live in a stable enough environment to have my own.

until then, i will be forced to google all the 100's of dogs i see walking the streets of new york every day (that has been another awesome thing about new york...all the dogs!)!

but i found out earlier this week that even the simple act of smiling at a cute dog can bring comments from men; as i mentioned in a previous blog the comments from males to females in this city is constant.

while walking in the bronx with a coworker, a dog and his owner were walking towards us. it was a puppy with big, goofy paws and ears that'll take months for him to fully grow into.
i proceeded to do my normal routine i do almost every time i see an adorable pup, i started smiling and cooing how cute he was to my coworker. the dog's owner must have been able to read my facial expression because as we passed by the pair he leaned into me and said..

"if you wanna pet the dog you can pet the owner too."

seriously?

skype?...what's all the hype?

i have to apologize for not being able to write as often as i would like.

my computer suffered from a little "new city anxiety" and decided to stop turning on 2 weeks ago.

my roommate has been kind enough to let me use her computer while my computer is going through intensive therapy at Best Buy's Geek Squad.

i am hoping to get it back within the next week.

a new computer activity i tired this week though was skype.

if you have never skyped before it is using your computer to call another computer. then you are able to talk to the other person through your computer. if you have webcams you can even see each other on the screen.

my roommate amanda had been skyping with her sister and suggested i try it with poodle. i proposed the idea to poodle and he bought a webcam. we were both super excited at the idea of seeing eachother and talking. just like if we were at home in Crystal.

so friday was the big night we decided to skype for the first time. while amanda was setting up an account i started getting really nervous to see poodle; my palms began to sweat and my stomach was flipping all over.

right when we are about to make our connection i looked down and realized....

I WAS WEARING THE SAME TSHIRT THAT I HAD LEFT MPLS WEARING 3 WEEKS AGO!!!

poodle couldn't see me wearing the same shirt! this was going to be our first connection on skype and i had to make a good impression! so i ran into my room and had to find something else to wear! i decided on a red tank top.

it was time. amanda called poodle's computer and then he was on the computer screen. i couldn't help, but squeal a bit. we said awkward hellos, both smiling from ear to ear. i brought poodle on a tour of my apartment and then i took the computer into my room so we could chat privately. after we had settled in (and poodle went through 20 different camera angels to find the one he liked best) we sat and stared. there was nothing much else to say past our normal nightly conversations.

skyping was cool don't get me wrong, but i found that it didn't give me what i was looking for.

with the evolution of technology, personal touches disappear from communication. poodle and i can talk through out the day whenever we like--text messages, emails, cell phone calls--which is comforting to know, but also lacking the classic tones of romance.

my late grandpa was a very gifted artist. while he was courting my grandma he would send her postcards with beautiful pictures on them illustrating his love. my dad has a series of those postcards framed in his office and when i think of those i can't help but say...skype, what's all the hype?

stumbling star

something that seems like a generally accepted act in NYC is men/boys "cat calling" women/girls. it is everywhere and comes in many different forms; yelling out cars, comments as you walk by, singing to you on the subway, whistling, honking, etc.
it seems as if the males of NYC have managed to think of every way possible to "compliment" passing females.

in my opinion these acts are sexual harassment. for the sake of a more light hearted blog though, i am not going to go into my opinion fully at this time. :)


Monday morning i decided i had gotten to know my neighborhood well enough that i was going to go for a run. for those of you that do not know--i trained all summer for my first half marathon in august. after successfully finishing the half marathon... i haven't run more than a handful of times since. so i went for a run.

while crossing a street i stumbled on some uneven pavement. i didn't fall to the ground, but i did trip enough to have to regain my footing in mid-stride. across the street a couple of older men were sitting on a step.

when i tripped, one of them yelled out, "Woah! watch yourself hunny."
i smiled and waved at them.
the other gentleman sitting on the step yelled out next and said, "hey it's ok hunny. you can be my falling star."

i couldn't help but laugh out loud.

poverty = time spent in lines

this blog is a recap of my day's experience.
i had the day off and decided i'd make the most of it and go apply for EBT (food stamps).
this will be a rewrite of the notes i took through out the day.

8:15am -- hooray! finally a day for food stamps! i have all my paperwork and have directions to the building. it doesn't look bad. i think a few blocks away. honestly though i do have some mixed opinions about applying for public assistance. i am technically living in poverty (i will be making roughly 13,000 this year with my Ameri Corps service) and part of the program is to "experience" poverty and be able to "relate" to the community i'll be working in. with about 1000 a month and my rent 700 a month plus bills... a little help would be nice. ok. wish me luck.

9:00 am -- hmmm. so i thought i'd get there right at 8:30 when the building opened. no luck. the directions were deceiving and i don't know this neighborhood that well. i went way out of my way and when i finally stopped to ask for directions, I couldn't find anyone who spoke english. but i have found the building now. i was greeted at the front door by a security guard who motioned to the end of a line without asking me what i needed. so now i am in the back of a line--with 40 other people ahead of me.

9:42 am -- i just got through the first line. the man behind the reception counter handed me a packet of papers and a piece of green paper. he told me to go to the 4th floor. when i got off the elevator another security guard motioned to an already filled to the brim waiting room. Children are crying, people are dozing in chairs, or staring at CNN blaring from a TV on the far wall. There are 5 workers behind glass yelling out numbers and helping the next person. i've settled in and am now going to fill out my 10 page application.

10:10 am -- application filled out, but i think i did some wrong. i need to listen for my number. i am FA35. they just yelled for FA14.

10:42 am -- FA18

10:57 am -- i've just bonded with an older, latino man sitting next to me. we both feel like we have been here forever and the waiting room is so loud. i wish i would of ate something for breakfast and not just drank that cup of coffee.

11:12 am -- my new friend just got called into the magical doors they bring you in when your number is called. he was FA24. 11 more numbers to go for me!

11:52 am --a little 4 year old girl sitting next to me is coughing so hard she just threw up on herself. her mom is talking on the phone and doesn't notice. i feel like i should say something. it is so loud in here. there are so many people. i can't believe i'm still waiting. i've been here for almost 3 hours.

11:55 am -- i'm in.

12:18 pm -- ok. i met with my caseworker, Miss. Halloway. she was kind, but very business. she looked tired. she tells me that i need to get a receipt to verify my SSN (because I do not have the original card)--she gives me instructions on where to go for that. she says i need to go do that today and bring it back to her. i want to cry thinking about going back in a line. i get my finger print and picture taken.

12:38 pm -- i found the Social Security Administration building. i got a number and am standing in another line. my feet hurt. i am in another room full of people. i am the only white person i have seen today. this "experience" is unreal.

12:49 pm -- i got my receipt. the woman worked quick and didn't make any small talk. i am about to start walking back to the first building i was at. i am hot, exhausted, so hungry, and getting crabby.

1:10 pm -- i am back at the first building. i need to give my receipt to Miss. Halloway so i called her direct dial. She said she would come down and grab it (thank you so much!!)!! I think i'll get my card now! thank goodness! i want to go home and eat lunch!!!!!!!!

1:13 pm -- Miss. Halloway just gave my another sheet of paper with another address on it. I have to go to to this place in downtown Brooklyn to get the card. seriously? seriously? now i am getting angry! i want to go home.

2:30 pm -- i'm standing outside another government building in downtown brooklyn. it took me 45 minutes on the subway to get here and guess what.. THE LINE IS SO LONG IT IS OUT THE BUILDING AND AROUND THE BLOCK! i'm here, might as well get in line.

3:28 pm -- ok. i have checked in finally!! now i have to wait again for my name to be called to get my card. this waiting room is the smallest i have been in yet and there are people crawling everywhere. a mother just told her toddler son next to me to "shut the fuck up before i smack you upside the head." i am so tired and i want to say something, but what do i say? this whole day has been overwhelming. we talk about poverty in the classroom, at VISTA, in Social Work workshops--but until you go through this experience you can not know. i still do not know and here i have been all day. i want to go home.

4:00 pm -- done. card in hand. pin punched in. i am going home. i want a nap.

Poodles are Fantastic

my mom asked me tonight how poodle and i are doing?

it has been almost a week and a half since we had our tearful goodbye at MSP International Airport (and it wasn't just me crying! anyone who knows poodle, knows that i was not the only one crying!). whew--it was hard, bordering on physically painful.

background on poodle and i.

we have been dating for about 3 and a half years. we are both from the same town, same high school, etc.

3 and a half years ago poodle was living in milwaukee and i was living in madison. over mother's day weekend we both went home to visit our mothers. on top of the holiday it was also my 21st birthday weekend. while i was out exploring the local bars i ran into poodle, we exchanged numbers, and started talking. after we had both gone back to our respective cities we talked on the phone for almost 3 weeks before i jumped on the badger bus to milwaukee. it has been magic ever since.

we have done distance in the past--2 years of commuting between milwaukee and madison--and then we spent the last year and a half living together in the twin cities. we have shared a phenomenal relationship. what i am learning now in this new situation is that poodle is a friend. he is not only my partner, but my best friend.

so i want to say again--thank you for trusting our relationship my sweet poodle. i love you.

Where I Am Coming From

as i mentioned on monday, this week i went through Pre Service Orientation for my VISTA year. we covered various topics such as: the mission and history of VISTA; poverty concepts, insights, and strategies; capacity building; volunteer development; civil rights and responsibilities; and finished up with an official swearing in ceremony and oath of service.

so it is official. i am a vista. i rose my right hand, repeated after the trainer, and signed a piece of paper. let the fun begin.

with covering so many topics during training we also did a zillion different exercises exploring those topics--it was all part of expanding our minds. many of the issues and conversations were ones that i had already gone through as part of my social work education, but something about this training stood out to me with the levels of honesty and range of conversations being had.

i wanted to share with you one exercise we completed on values. we discussed core values that we hold in our lives, how we express those values in our daily actions, and how those values may be misinterpurreted by others looking in... an exercise on cultural competence.

3 Core Values i hold in my life for who i am...

1. PASSION for whatever i am pursing


2. being TRUE to who i am and my goals


3. constantly PUSHING myself to be the best i can

How I Express these values in my life...

1. working in the field of ending Domestic and Sexual Violence --strong passions for me!


2. moving to nyc to take this vista position--even though i have an amazing partner in MN, a supportive family in WI, and wonderful friends in both states!


3. instead of staying in MN and at my previous job, i decided to move to NY and try a new position with public health.

the finial part of the exercise was then identifying how my actions could possibly be interputed in other ways than my intended values. Examples of this include how many people i encounter sometimes view my passion as being "emotional" or they may see my leaving my amazing partner as me not truly caring about him or our relationship.

the take away point from this exercise is fairly obvious, but i still feel powerful.

someone's actions may be viewed multiple ways by different people. we can all be so quick to judge before we truly know where someone is coming from. i am learning that the world is full of so many different people and i will never be able to completely understand other's lives.

as a social worker and advocate i need to remember that instead of running out and saving the world, sometimes the best thing is to just sit down and listen.